I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
