all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
