and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
