In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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