i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
