Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
