Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
