Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
