The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
