I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dick very happy bro
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
