What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
