Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Enjoy the penises
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
