I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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