Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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