Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We got so high we made milksteak
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
