i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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