Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
