Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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