If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
