I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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