the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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