Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
