Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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