Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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