worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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