if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
