She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
