U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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