Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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