things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
