Three words: puerto rican gang bang
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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