Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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