i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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