There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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