it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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