you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
