I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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