for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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