I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
