Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
