Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
