whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
