hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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