Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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