if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
