Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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