I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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