i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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