My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
