So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
