I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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