he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
