I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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