My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
