Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
